im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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