I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
