Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
