dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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