just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
