dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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