I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
