Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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