Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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