If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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