This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
