it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My bed smells like the plague
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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