just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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