And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
