My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I deserve to be covered in dicks
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
