shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
