i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
