the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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