maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
