I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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