You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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