I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
