from now on my penis is your penis
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
