How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
