you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
