don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
