Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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