just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
