hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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