apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
