I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
