cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
