I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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