First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
