i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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