I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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