U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just pee around me
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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