I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
