Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
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