OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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