I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Couch. On fire.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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