dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
