i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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