Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
