umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
