You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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