you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
