I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
