just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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