Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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