make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
3 2 1 whiskey
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
