i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
