yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
