I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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