come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
