So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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