she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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