matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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