I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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