the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
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