I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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