And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize