Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
