The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
