Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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