She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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