Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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