im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he puts the penis in happiness.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
