He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
