she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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