Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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